Whether I'm on Fetlife or other spanking social forums or groups I constantly see a reoccurring question. "How do I get my Vanilla boyfriend, husband, etc to spank me for real?"
That's a tough one too. Men today have been emasculated so much in regard to what they should and shouldn't do regarding relationships that giving a woman a sound smack on her bottom is just not done. Of course who told them that? Most likely a female.
Men today have been told from a very young age that being a man isn't being the HOH and that being dominant is wrong. If you tell a child from a very young age that they're stupid then as they grow up they will believe they are. The key is that you can't lie to children. If you tell a child, as they grow up, that they are better than everyone else then they will believe that they are. But one day they will discover that they aren't better than everyone else. In one or two things they might be better at one thing or another but they discover that others are better at other things that they aren't. Does that make sense?
So back to my point of changing a Vanilla. I have heard before, from many women that they don't believe "Adult women should be punished." That's a funny statement to me because in one way or another we ALL go through some kind of punishment for one thing or another throughout our lives. The bank punishes us when we overdraw our account by adding a fee. They don't call it punishment but it is. I could go on and on but you can find your own examples.
Unfortunately, the spankee who wants to be spanked doesn't have a problem with it, it's the Vanilla who does. They may see spanking as hitting or beating or abusive toward the spankee. The other problem is that you can't turn someone into someone they're not. If your Vanilla is not an authoritative figure in your life and theirs then there could be a problem. Alpha males are either Spankers already or can easily be turned from Vanilla to Spanker. The key for a spankee is the submission. The key to turning a Vanilla is to find out what their core belief system is and who they are as a person. What do they see their role in the world as?
I hope this helps spankees who are with Vanilla partners that they want to turn. If there are others who want to give their opinions please give it.