There seems to be two ideas going around when it comes to spanking. One is that spanking, for real, is abusive and the second idea is that spanking is something you do when you're having sex and occasionally give her a swat or two on the ass.
My wife and I are in total agreement that striking a woman any where besides her bare bottom is abusive. I have met women who actually want to be slapped in the face. It's more of a fetish for them. Somewhere in there past they learned to desire it. I couldn't do it.
My wife totally trusts that when I tell her it's spanking time she knows that she deserves one. For her it's how she keeps stabilized in life. It's her proof that I'm the head of the house and man enough to do what needs to be done.
For example, I have never grabbed her by the arm and forced her across my lap or dragged her in the bed room. The perception for many is that spanking is this violent action that takes place for the Spanker to release their anger in an unhealthy way. That's not how it has ever been for me.
I am very controlled when it comes to many things in life and when it comes to spanking I'm even more controlled. If and when there are moments when I am angry about my wife's behavior there's ALWAYS a cool down period when I take time to reflect on my being upset with her. Moments that I've been really upset, or angry, with my wife's behavior has only happened once and she was actually the first to recognize she should be, or would be, in trouble and get spanked.
For us spanking isn't something that just happens in our relationship. Spanking is something we talk about all the time and there hasn't been any place we aren't able to talk about it. We've been in a grocery store, park, concert, church, back yard, etc. and the subject has come up. Whether it's her noticing a woman's ass in the store, nudging me and asking in a playful way, "Do you think she gets spanked?" And I'll reply, "I hope so." Then there have been times when she hears a couple arguing and the wife is simply being disrespectful or bratty and I'll hear my wife say, "It doesn't look like she gets spanked at all. If she did she wouldn't act that way."